22.4.2014
The 22nd of April marks the year anniversary death of a friend, colleague, mother, wife, daughter, and sister, Nina.
I can not speak accurately about Nina as I only knew her in her last year. She was my mum's colleague and had moved from Portugal only 9 years before. She had left her 2 daughters in Portugal with her mother and moved with her husband for 2 years, working non stop, before bringing them back over. She then went on to have 2 more children in England.
You may not think of your colleagues as close friends but that's all she had as her family of 9 siblings (she had to use her fingers to count and do it in age order to remember the names of them all) were still in Portugal. So naturally my mum became very close to her. She became ill in November 2012 and was bed ridden. She was repeatedly let down by the NHS and told nothing was wrong with her, until one day she became blind and was told 3 days before Christmas that she had bone, blood, lung and brain cancer. She was 35.
The first day I met Nina was when I dropped my mum off, so I could practice driving, at her house so she could help with her medication.
I was in the car when I heard a knock at the window and this woman I had never met before invited me in and immediately made me welcome. She was offering me drinks, food and introducing me to her children. Since that day, every time my mum went round, I did too. I felt happy in her house, like one of those families you wish you were apart of. Throughout her illness she continued to have that same effect on me, even in the hospice, you would go with the intention to cheer her up and distract her from what lies ahead, to leaving the hospice all happy and content. After a few trips with my mum I started to go on my own to visit her and her family. I am a very shy, anxious person so this says a lot about her and her home. I made friends with her 16 year old daughter and was quickly introduced to my, now boyfriend who is best friends with her boyfriend.
Throughout this time I learnt how much she loved Simon Cowell, because he is so honest, Nina wouldn't be scared to tell you that you wear too much black and you needed a hair cut even in her worst days (I learnt that the hard way) and how she had learnt all her English from watching him on TV. I was later lucky enough to receive a signed photo of him from his agents which she kept at her bedside table, positioned so he was looking at her! (a big thankyou to them)
Despite her difficult and whirlwind life, becoming a mother at 17, running away and marrying at 18, leaving the country without your children to start a brand new life, not speaking the language, she held together the whole family. She had raised the most beautiful children who are strong, independent and mature beyond their years. She needn't worry on how they will grow up as she has given them the best start in life and when I have children I hope to be, even just the tiny bit, the mother she was.
She cracked the whole hospice up and brought life into the very sad and daunting place. All the nurses loved her and she acted normal, like nothing was wrong, making small, witty comments and jokes, right until the end.
She put everything and everyone before herself. In her last days she became increasingly weak and couldn't talk, I was alone by her bed side very, very upset and it took all her strength to lift her hand, place it on mine and give me that "its ok" look. That is my fondness memory that I will cherish forever.
The last day I saw her, the 21st of April, she was very, very unwell. Though she did her best to let everyone know she was aware you were there, as she wouldn't like to think you had made a wasted journey to see her.
She was an inspiring young woman and there is still, today, not a hour that goes by where I don't think about her. I wish I had known her loving, caring ways longer as I feel we would of got on like a house on fire. Though, I feel blessed to have known, early in my life, such strength, faith, love and determination like that. I cannot articulate to you how wonderful and inspiring she really was, I just hope everyone else can experience such a incredibly wonderful and loving person like that at some point in their lives. You really don't know what is round the corner so make up with your enemies, don't hold grudges, spend time with the people you love and say yes to new things. If your mum tells you your grounded, or doesn't let you do something, its not the end of the world.
I am so glad I chose to drive my mum that day.
